Why does my ass hurt?

Posted: August 5, 2010 in ALL ABOUT ME

Today is my 30th birthday and I awoke at 9:00 A.M. to my ass really hurting.  Does anyone else know what I am talking about?  It’s a weird asshole pain that can only be described as if I had just gotten fucked in the ass for the first time ever (not that I have any relevant data to know what that would actually feel like). I go into the bathroom even though I am still very tired.  I try to take a shit thinking it might help……….nothing, no dump and no relief either.

I go back into bed laying there hoping to fall back asleep.  I close my eyes, but my ass hurts too much to keep them closed.  I stare at the ceiling wondering what the fuck causes one’s ass to hurt when that person has done nothing but slept for the past 8 hours.

I go back into the bathroom, because for some strange reason I assume that taking a shit might relieve this awful anal feeling (even though I have NO feeling that makes me think that it is time to take a shit).

I push…….nothing.

I hold my breath and push………nothing.

I hold my breath, push, and grunt the words “COME ON!”

A little nugget shit has been released.

My asshole does not feel the relief that I was hoping for.

I lay back down in bed, I then realize that I can no longer fall asleep since I am uncomfortable in the ass region, and I am kind of awake now after all the pushing I did in order to take a shit smaller than the size of a Chicken Mcnugget.  I decide that I mind as well write about my early morning experiences on my 30th birthday.  As of right now, my ass feels great.  Time is a magical thing in that it seems to heal many ailments on its own, much like restarting Windows and then everything just works like it used to.

So for anyone wondering how it feels for me to be 30, I must say that so far it just feels like I got fucked in the ass for the first time.  Who knows where the rest of my day will take me though?

This is What Andrew Michaels is doing now………………

Comments
  1. chicken says:

    I really cannot believe that no one has commented on this yet

  2. jen says:

    I think everyone’s afraid to comment on Andy’s ass. Yipes. (so funny though)

  3. Pino says:

    I too am having the same issue… please help

    • Did you recently turn 30? If so, the pain might slowly start to dissipate. Or it could be your prostate. Or maybe you are female and don’t have a prostate. In that case I can only assume it has to do with recently turning 30.

  4. Bildo says:

    Proctalgia fugax: Proctalgia fugax involves fleeting rectal pain and occurs in 8% of Americans. This disorder occurs more commonly in women and in people younger than 45 years. Although the exact cause of the pain is not known, many doctors believe spasm of the anal sphincter muscle is the origin of this pain.

    The pain of levator ani syndrome is felt higher up inside the rectal passage and feels like a tight pressure. The sensation is made worse by sitting and improves with walking or standing. The pain usually lasts 20 minutes or longer and tends to reoccur at regular intervals.

    Excerpt from webMD.

  5. classified says:

    your friend hired a black with a large dick thats 14in long and fucks u….its a tredition we do every 30th birthday…haha fucker

  6. rob says:

    I found this site on Google, whilst searching for ‘why does my arse hurt?’

    I’m currently at the ‘chicken nugget’ stage and it seems to have temporarily relieved my symptoms!

    • You know……I really did write that the morning of my 30th birthday, and I had no idea how many random people would actually come upon my site because they chose to search the term “why does my ass hurt”. Arse seems to be searched quite a bit as well.

      Anyways, I hope your ass or arse is feeling better……..

  7. Ben says:

    It was meeeee, sorry for making your butt hurt.

    • Damn you Ben!!!!

      I always suspected it to be you. Thank you for fessing up to it after all this time.

      I hope you found some information on some other sites as to why your ass was hurting at 3:14 in the morning……

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    of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of completely
    unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but
    it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization.
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